Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch." -Joan RiversI don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months.
Author: Judy Brown
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
No one is more qualified to collect hilarious material from women comedians than funny lady Judy Brown, the author behind the top-selling comedy collections Joke Soup, Joke Stew, The Funny Pages, and Jokes to Go. Brown's latest humor book, She's Always Funny, offers the best, biting laughs from both the funniest females performing today and classic women comedians. This comprehensive roundup of hilarious observations and classic bits from women stand-ups is the first of its kind and is alphabetized by subject, from Adoption to Younger Men, so you'll have no trouble finding the perfect funny quip from a woman's perspective on hundreds of topics.Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch." -Joan RiversI don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before. -Ellen DeGeneresIn my day there was no pill; it was trick or treat. I had far too many kids. At one time in our playpen it was standing room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to be so damp in there we had a rainbow above it. -Phyllis DillerGoing out with a jerky guy is kind of like having a piece of food caught in your teeth. All your friends notice it before you do. -Livia Squires I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing 60. -Wendy Liebman From With lines from Phyllis Diller, Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell, Caroline Rhea, Rita Rudner, Janeane Garofalo, Margaret Cho, Whoopi Goldberg, Wanda Sykes, Elayne Boolser, Aisha Tyler, and more, She's Always Funny delivers the goods from the top women comedians of the last 50 years and offers countless hours of laughter.
My Hilarious Life Tim Conway, Jane Scovell ... Then Carol took a deep breath
and told us that, after eleven years, she and Joe had decided not to continue with
the show. Silence fell. Nobody could speak. We'd just heard the news that we ...
Author: Tim Conway
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
The funnyman best known for his characters on "The Carol Burnett Show" offers a memoir about his life on stage and off as an actor and comedian.
She had a lovely, natural face up close, Gabe noticed, the kind that looked more
beautiful without much makeup. Wholesome. ... He didn't mention that Laura had
also said of Eva, 'She's so gorgeous that you want to hate her but you can't.
Author: Tilly Bagshawe
Publisher: HarperCollins UK
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of... anything but a wife? The third book in the Swell Valley series by bestselling author Tilly Bagshawe
She is a “Bold Soul Sister,” a “B.S.S.” as she proclaims; the abbreviation makes it
impossible not to imagine that she ... interjections made by James: this is funny—
and very bold— because she comments directly on James at the level of his ...
Author: Laurie Stras
She's So Fine explores the music, reception and cultural significance of 1960s girl singers and girl groups in the US and the UK. Using approaches from the fields of musicology, women's studies, film and media studies, and cultural studies, this volume is the first interdisciplinary work to link close musical readings with rigorous cultural analysis in the treatment of artists such as Martha and the Vandellas, The Crystals, The Blossoms, Brenda Lee, Dusty Springfield, Lulu, Tina Turner, and Marianne Faithfull. Currently available studies of 1960s girl groups/girl singers fall into one of three categories: industry-generated accounts of the music's production and sales, sociological commentaries, or omnibus chronologies/discographies. She's So Fine, by contrast, focuses on clearly defined themes via case studies of selected artists. Within this analytical rather than historically comprehensive framework, this book presents new research and original observations on the 60s girl group/girl singer phenomenon.
to say when he walked in the door, for God's sake?), she felt close to tears. ...
Grimly she cut open another crate of books and set to work. Penny de la ... 'She's
so stuck up, she needs surgery,' Santiago commented over breakfast this
Author: Tilly Bagshawe
Publisher: HarperCollins UK
Welcome to Swell Valley – where the scandal is in a class of its own... The second book in the Swell Valley series by bestselling author Tilly Bagshawe
When she did, she let her ringing laughter escape. Cale lifted his eyebrows as
tears ran down her face. 'I'm sorry,' Maddie gulped, waving her hands in the air, '
but it was so funny! He looked like a blowfish.' Maddie placed her hands around ...
Author: Joss Wood
What not to do with your ex… Maddie Shaw has spent the past ten years not thinking about her fast-and-furious fling with Cale Grant. His dark blue eyes, his hot-chocolate voice, his magic touch… No, she doesn't remember anything like that. Only the numbing devastation when he let her down and she walked away. Now Cale's sauntered back into Maddie's life—drinking in the same bars, working on the same projects and setting off the same fireworks inside her. It's Maddie's chance to prove just how over her ex she really is…but one steamy kiss later she's fallen at the first hurdle…!
That's along time.” “It is. So this afternoon,” John said, “I'm supposed to meet the
richguy's granddaughter, because she's the oneknows where it is.SoI'mnot even
sureifit's possible, or ifit'sreal,butyou don't justsay noto acop. Or an excop either.
Author: Donald E. Westlake
Publisher: Hachette UK
In his classic caper novels, Donald E. Westlake turns the world of crime and criminals upside down. The bad get better, the good slide a bit, and Lord help anyone caught between a thief named John Dortmunder and the current object of his intentions. Now Westlake's seasoned but often scoreless crook must take on an impossible crime, one he doesn't want and doesn't believe in. But a little blackmail goes a long way in... What's So Funny? All it takes is a few underhanded moves by a tough ex-cop named Eppick to pull Dortmunder into a game he never wanted to play. With no choice, he musters his always-game gang and they set out on a perilous treasure hunt for a long-lost gold and jewel-studded chess set once intended as a birthday gift for the last Romanov czar, which unfortunately reached Russia after that party was over. From the moment Dortmunder reaches for his first pawn, he faces insurmountable odds. The purloined past of this precious set is destined to confound any strategy he finds on the board. Success is not inevitable with John Dortmunder leading the attack, but he's nothing if not persistent, and some gambit or other might just stumble into a winning move.
You never forget the person you cut up your first frog with.” He tilted his Gatorade
bottle toward me, and I clicked it with my Snapple. “That's funny,” Annie stated,
not sounding amused at all. It was more like she was making an anthropological
Author: Kieran Scott
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
When having money is all that matters, what happens when you lose it all Perfect, picturesque Orchard Hill. It was the last thing Ally Ryan saw in the rear-view mirror as her mother drove them out of town and away from the shame of the scandal her father caused when his business deals left her family penniless and almost bankrupted all their friends - friends that liked having trust funds and new cars, and that didn't like constant reminders that they had been swindled. So it was adios,Orchard Hill. Thanks for nothing. But now, two years later, just as Ally is starting to feel happy again, her mother has accepted a job back at the site of their downfall and that means that Ally is forced to face her old "friends" again. And as if dealing with past demons, and current grudges, wasn't enough things get even more confusing when Ally meets the handsome, wealthy and totally into her Jake Graydon, who just happens to live in Ally's old house and be part of the clique that she left behind… complicated much? Ally was hoping to have left all the drama in the past, but she's quickly discovering that some things just can't be forgotten.
I never thought I would see that. She's more lovable than most other kids. Bryn:
Raun was the same way. John, are there special things that she's said to you,
that touched you? John: Yes. She has a terrific sense of humor. She's so funny.
Author: Barry Neil Kaufman
Publisher: H J Kramer
In 1979, the classic bestseller Son Rise was made into an award-winning NBC television special, which has been viewed by 300 million people worldwide. Now, Son Rise: The Miracle Continues presents not only the expanded and updated journal of Barry and Samahria Kaufman's successful effort to reach their "unreachable" child but goes beyond to include a sensitive portrayal of how that singular event has become a worldwide phenomenon. When their son Raun was a year old, he began to withdraw from human contact. Diagnosed as autistic, Raun tested with an I.Q. of under 30. Experts offered no hope and advised institutionalizing him. Barry and Samahria refused to accept this prognosis. For several years they worked with Raun in a program of their own design, based on unconditional love and acceptance. By age three and a half, Raun was functioning above his age level — a bright and curious little person. The story of the Kaufmans' experience to this point makes up Part I of Son Rise: The Miracle Continues. Part II continues Raun's story and describes the intervening years as the Kaufmans offered hope and healing to thousands of families with special-needs children. At age twenty, Raun attended a top university, and displayed a near-genius I.Q. Today, he shows no trace of his former condition. Part III of the book highlights the moving stories of five families who, guided by the Kaufmans and the Son-Rise Program, have created "rebirths" for their own special children.
Then she picked up the recorder and asked if i knew what it was and what it was
about. i told her what i knew, she already knows. what a funny lady. Maybe she is
a little slow. she asked if i was ready to see the pictures then repeated herself ...
Author: Barbara J. Gonyo
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
The Adventures of Trixie and Me is a story told by a 4 year old girl as she and her dog Trixie goes on vacation with her Mom, Dad and 7 year old brother. They embarked on a journey to Las Vegas where her Dad wins a large sum of money at the Casino. Men on horseback follows them to where the family were having a picnic in the desert. Her Dad was beaten and the rest of the family kidnapped by crooks that were part of a large international gang that was involved in White slavery, Prostitution and murder. As the story winds through the nooks and turns of their experiences and of the families recovery with the help of the FBI. They found themselves faced with the probability of having to go into the witness protection program along with Christian friends that helped them along the way. Finally they were back home to the mountain resort in Vermont that her Mom and Dad bought several years before. This was just the beginning of their escape, Their family and friends that had helped in Las Vegas joined them to celebrate Christmas only to find they werent safe. The FBI came to protect them. As the FBI took over, breaking up the gang they set up an FBI headquarters in one of the lodges secret rooms. It was interesting to see how the resort protected them as they found the many wonders of the lodge. All the way through the story, the little girl was told to BELIEVE. How important GOD was in her life as she finds the meaning of life.
Isn't it funny, I don't. People like that are usually nymphomaniacs or, just the other
or opposite. She doesn't go either. Well, she wants to, she wants to uh, have a
family and—Yeah. children. But I mean, but she's uh, very careful now not to get ...
Author: Andy Warhol
Publisher: Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Conceptually unique, hilarious and frightening, referred to as “pornography” in The New York Times Book Review’s original review and as a “work of genius” in Newsweek’s, a: A Novel is the perfect literary manifestation of Andy Warhol’s sensibility. In the late sixties Warhol set out to turn a trade book into a piece of pop art, and the result was this astonishing account of the famously influential group of artists, superstars, addicts and freaks who made up the Factory milieu. Created from audiotapes recorded in and around the Factory, a: A Novel begins with the fabulous Ondine popping several amphetamines and then follows its characters as they converse with inspired, speed-driven wit and cut swaths through the clubs, coffee shops, hospitals, and whorehouses of 1960’s Manhattan.
He said if you open your heart a little, you'll see that she has the like ofa Mona
Lisa smile.” “Yes, that's good and I can see that!” “This part is funny though!” “
There is more!” She looks at him frowning. “Well! . . . Not that funny, funny per say!
Author: Andre Giordano
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
In this book Im talking about the door of heaven above a footbridge in the center part of the park far from the entrance, not easily accessible or visible, it opens only when visitors from heaven wants to come to earth for a time value hosted by fairies or vice versa when they have business with therepresentatives of God in heaven. The door is supposed to open permanently to created a new age for men to enjoy in the near future, the role of men is simple, it is to walk holding in his mind the equilibrium of all the tendencies of the collective karma through out the planet, for that in my story they are helped by Lord Vishnu the maintainer of the world, but fi rst and foremost this is also a love story. Love heals, it maintains harmony, it is cosmic and reaches all parts of the universe, when strong it erases differences.
This support bubble in turn led to a situation in which the 'funny English', which
Wes claimed that he spoke, became part ... I think say 'are' / but beautiful woman
she doesn't want talk to local woman / she's so snobbish! / so funny! 8. S: Jesus 6.
Author: David Block
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Second Language Identities examines how identity is an issue in different second language learning contexts. It begins with a detailed presentation of what has become a popular approach to identity in the social sciences (including applied linguistics) today, one that is inspired in poststructuralist thought and is associated with the work of authors such as Anthony Giddens, Zygmunt Bauman, Chris Weedon, Judith Butler and Stuart Hall. It then examines how in early SLA research focussing on affective variables, identity was an issue, lurking in the wings but not coming to centre stage. Moving to the present, the book then examines in detail and critiques recent research focussing on identity in three distinct second language learning contexts. These contexts are: (1) adult migration, (2) foreign language classrooms and (3) study abroad programmes. The book concludes with suggestions for future research focussing on identity in second language learning.
I think Nancy would cease to exist if she was ever parted from her phone, and all
the stuff-the internet, social media, her website/blog—that is wrapped up inside
the phone like a swaddled baby in a manger. “She's so funny. You must ...
Author: Dorothy Koomson
Publisher: Random House
From the bestselling author of The Ice Cream Girls, The Woman He Loved Before and My Best Friend's Girl, an emotional story about love, identity and the meaning of family. ‘Where are you coming from with that accent of yours?’ he asks. ‘Nowhere,’ I reply. ‘I’m from nowhere.’ ‘Everyone’s from somewhere,’ he says. ‘Not me,’ I reply silently. Clemency Smittson was adopted as a baby and the only connection she has to her birth mother is a cardboard box hand-decorated with butterflies. Now an adult, Clem decides to make a drastic life change and move to Brighton, where she was born. Clem has no idea that while there she'll meet someone who knows all about her butterfly box and what happened to her birth parents. As the tangled truths about her adoption and childhood start to unravel, a series of shocking events cause Clem to reassess whether the price of having contact with her birth family could be too high to pay...